you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
