Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
