all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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