if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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