First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
