I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
