I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
