careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
