tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
