Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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