My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
