Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
