So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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