it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
