I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
