I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
