dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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