So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
