And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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