What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
