i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
