sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
