I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
