Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
