i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
