i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
