every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
