the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
