there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
