I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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