I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
