He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
