Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
