I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
