forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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