when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize