Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
