R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
