Small penises have feelings too.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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