I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
