Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
