he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
