Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
