i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize