He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
