It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
