ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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