chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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