Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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