i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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