obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
