I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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