could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
