I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
