My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
