chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
