All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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