Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
