Your mouth is God's brothel.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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