Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
