Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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