Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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