How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
