You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
