if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
