I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
