Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
