my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
